The Carper

Dude Tries to Blast His Way Out of Jail by Dutch
April 24, 2012, 4:13 pm
Filed under: Current Events

Patch – On April 21 at 6:27 p.m., police received a 911 call from a 16-year-old boy that his father, Earnest Austin, 46, of Chestnut Street had, slapped his mother’s arm. The report says Austin was intoxicated and told his son, “he will put a bullet in everyone’s head.” The mother told officers Austin kicked at his own truck and then threatened his son. Back at headquarters, police say, Austin was uncooperative and kept “making motions like he was shooting a machine gun and throwing grenades,” punching the jail cell door and trying to push it open.

Uh, yea bro.  What’d you expect this guy to do?  Just sit there and not try and escape.  Every 10 year old knows the only way to escape capture is to blast your way out.  I personally would have grabbed my ninja turtles back pack and Michelangelo’s nun-chucks to chuck my way out, but to each his own.  I know for a fact my friend Kyle would have tried some bullshit unbreakable shield nonsense.  Everyone knows those don’t exist.

Seriously though, I’m pretty jealous of this dude.  I’m pretty sure I lost my imagination somewhere around college.  Maybe sophomore year and it’s awful.  My little cousins try to get me to play army and I’m just mailing it in the whole time.  I’m surprised they don’t see right through me.  Keep telling me, “no, the fort is over there!”  asking me to grab the shotgun and I totally go in the wrong direction to pick it up.  Literally spraying down cover fire on our own troops.  Remember when you were little and your imagination would legit sink up with the other kids you were playing with like you were all at the same place seeing everything the same.  So bravo Earnest Austin, you held on to something that we’ve all lost, bravo.


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