The Carper


Meanwhile, in Kentucky by Dutch
May 15, 2012, 10:15 am
Filed under: Current Events

VANCEBURG, Ky.  — Five people have been arrested in northeast Kentucky’s Lewis County for stealing elm tree bark.

After two years of trespassing reports, and homeowners finding bark torn off elm trees in the Cabin Creek community, Lewis County Sheriff Johnnie Bivens says on Friday night, a homeowner blocked five people from escaping, and deputies recovered 210-pounds of bark.

Bivens says all five were from Martin County, some 100-miles away. While they currently face misdemeanor charges, Bivens adds, they could be upgraded to felonies, once they determine the value of the bark, which is used to make herbal remedies.

I was so un-surprised by this article, I literally can’t think of a better adjective to describe it.  F’in Kentucky huh?  Just ripping tree bark off elms for herbal remedies and shit.  When I saw the article headline, I said to myself “probably in Kentucky.”  Boom, nailed it.

The bigger story here is the homeowner who somehow cornered 5 people.  Yea, 5.  How big of a pushover do you have to be to get cornered by one person in a group of 5.  Oh, that’s right.  You were using tree bark to make herbal remedies, pussy.

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