The Carper


Tom Cruise Katie Holmes break up; world still in shock by Flama Blanca
July 2, 2012, 4:00 pm
Filed under: Current Events, Entertainment

I swear if you look closely you can see her blinking “HELP ME” in morse code

How is this even news? It’s been pretty well documented that their entire relationship was some kind of staged joke, hasn’t it? I mean, after they met, Katie Holmes disappeared for over 2 weeks while they removed her human blood and replaced it with primordial ooze like some kind of Scientology lube job. This alien worshiping midget needs to go back to whatever planet he came from and stop ruining the world’s Joey Potters. What’s next? Is this nutbag going to marry Tiffany Amber Theissen, too? Hollywood just sucks to all holy hell.

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