The Carper

See a couple save some cubs from a dumpster by Dutch
November 20, 2012, 1:06 pm
Filed under: Current Events

What it means, being a guy by Dutch
November 20, 2012, 12:00 pm
Filed under: Current Events

BREAKING NEWS: Jets guarantee making the playoffs by Dutch
November 8, 2012, 2:06 pm
Filed under: Current Events, Sports

NYPost – A Jet made a guarantee this morning. Cornerback Antonio Cromartie predicted the Jets will be playing in the postseason in two months.

“The Jets will make the playoffs this year,” Cromartie said on the NFL Network’s “NFL AM” on Thursday.

The Jets are 3-5 at the midway point of the season with a soft schedule the rest of the way. But they will likely have to go 6-2 the rest of the way to make it.

“We believe in each other, we believe in what coach (Rex) Ryan and his staff is putting us to schemes and stuff, so we definitely are going to make the playoffs this year,” Cromartie said.

Well if this is a bad sign of things to come, I don’t know what is.  If you ask me, the J-E-T-S have the lowest expectations of themselves I’ve seen in 5 years.  Only the playoffs?  WOW.  To go from guaranteeing a Superbowl championship every year to now just the playoffs means the team has really fallen off the cliff.  I mean, just the playoffs?  C’mon Cromartie.  That’s like saying Rex will just lick the pinky toe.  You can’t just go around saying things that aren’t true.  The J-E-T-S are winning the Superbowl this year, right?  I mean, if saying you’re winning the Superbowl means you will make it to the AFC championship game and choke, what does just making the playoffs mean?  Ending the season behind the Dolphins?  Whoops, you’re already doing that.

Happy Election Day! Said only the most idiotic people in America by Dutch
November 6, 2012, 12:00 pm
Filed under: Current Events

If you walk up to me today and ask me who I voted for and even mention there’s an election going on, I might open palm slap you across the face.  The amount of diarrhea spewed on Facebook and Twitter has been uncanny.  More than I can ever remember.  It has brought out the most insufferable people on the planet and to think there’s just one more day of this bullshit is unreal.  It’s like Christmas Eve when I was 6.  Too excited to sleep.

And don’t give me shit saying “this is the biggest election of your life!”  No it’s not.  At this point, we’ve passed the generations of change makers and now just have corporate stooges who couldn’t change a fucking lightbulb.  Whether your name is Hussein or Mittens, half of america will be against you at all times.  Nothing can get done in a country with no unity so honestly, I could care less who wins this election because we’re all fucked anyway.

Kid mauled and dies falling into African Painted Dog exhibit by Dutch
November 5, 2012, 10:48 am
Filed under: Current Events

Huff Post – A mother’s attempt to give her 2-year-old son a better view of wild African dogs turned into a fatal tragedy after the boy fell into the exhibit and was attacked by a pack of the animals as relatives and bystanders looked on.

The mother had picked the child up and put him on top of a railing at the edge of a viewing deck at the Pittsburgh Zoo late Sunday morning, Lt. Kevin Kraus of the Pittsburgh police said.

“Almost immediately after that he lost his balance, fell down off the railing into the pit, and he was immediately attacked by 11 dogs,” Kraus said. “It was very horrific.”

Authorities said that zoo staff and then police responded “within minutes,” but visitors described that time as being filled with screams for help. Zookeepers called off some of the dogs, and seven of them immediately went to a back building. Three more eventually were drawn away from the child, but the last dog was aggressive and police had to shoot the animal.

Well, thanks to our Mother of the Year candidate, an endangered species had to lose one more member.  Yea dude, I’m sure it was aggressive, it’s a WILD ANIMAL.  But more importantly, how stupid do you have to be to put your child up on a railing?  Like, seriously.  It’s one thing to hold your child up so they can see better, it’s another thing to ask them to tightrope walk on a railing with blood thirsty african painted dogs waiting below.