The Carper

Last year the Tampa Bay Rays were left for dead and mounted arguably the most impressive comeback in baseball history to roll into the postseason, stealing a spot from the can’t-stop-shitting-themselves Boston Red Sox. Great story, never to be duplicated, right?

This year has been just as trying, and they lost their main (only?) offensive weapon, Evan Longoria, for a big chunk of the season. That is as good of an excuse as any to just suck and work things out for 2013. But they didn’t (again) and they are pushing hard for a playoff spot (again) and I find it utterly annoying (again). I don’t know what it is about the Rays that I just can’t embrace, but Goddamnit it’s something. Carlos Pena pisses me off because you shouldn’t be allowed to hit .200 and play in the major leagues. James Shields makes me want to punch him every time he gets all emotional on the mound, and BJ Upton ilicits the same feeling every time he looks like he doesn’t give a shit. Oh, and Fernando Rodney  – STRAIGHTEN YOUR FUCKING HAT OUT.  This team is not likeable, and I shouldn’t be forced to watch them on Sportscenter every night, so fuck off.

And they were back.  Last night for the Browns v Ravens game.  In what was sure to be a welcome home party for the refs, they were greeted with cheers throughout the game.  But this isn’t going to be about the real refs and their “win” against Goodell, this is about my sick and warped mind seriously missing the shit out of the replacement refs.  That game last night was the most boring game I’ve ever seen.  I think I’m broken.

It’s like when you date the really hot/crazy bitch and it’s the worst experience of your life and you swear every day that this is it but you can’t stop thinking about them and they suck you back in.  That’s exactly how I’m feeling.  I missed the shit out of the replacement refs last night.  Knowing what’s going to happen in a football game just isn’t exciting.  NFL fans are now dating the girl you bring home to mom, and it’s just the worst.  No fighting, no egregeous calls, just a nice quiet Thursday, a little Home Depot, some Bed Bath & Beyond, maybe Target if things get wild.