The Carper

The funniest thing you’ll see all day by Dutch
November 20, 2012, 11:00 am
Filed under: Is This Funny?


I need some help… by Flama Blanca
October 22, 2012, 12:00 pm
Filed under: Is This Funny?, Video

…is this funny?

Apartment For Rent by Dutch
May 16, 2012, 11:50 am
Filed under: Entertainment, Is This Funny?, Ridiculous

This just got sent to me and the question is, would you live here?  I’ve heard about a ton of batshit crazy land lords.  I’ve been blessed with great ones so far but seriously, would you even consider living here?


$2400 / 2br – 750ft² – Outstanding 2BR, extraterrestial beings welcomed! (noe valley) (map)

Date: 2012-05-15, 5:20PM PDT
Reply to:  [Errors when replying to ads?]


First off, I understand that apartments are not being rented out to extra-terrestials or life forms from other planets in San Francisco. I think this is an insidious type of xenophobia which has no place in our fair and liberal city by the bay. So I want to state up front and unequivocally that I welcome both people from earth as well as life forms from other planets. Its bold stances such as mine that I hope will lead to the tearing down of such artificial walls and sentient being-made barriers to a peaceful co-existence with the rest of the galaxy.

WARNING: There is a rise in a certain type of behavior in the city and for the record we want to state that we have an absolutely ZERO TOLERANCE policy in our NO DEFENESTRATION house rule. If you’re into that kind of thing go to another building…that type of behavior will not be tolerated…enough said.

OPEN HOUSE: Thursday at 7pm and Friday morning at 10am.

We have a 4 room apartment on the cusp of two very exciting and vibrant neighborhoods. Noe Valley and the Mission where there are some of the best shops and restaurants in the galaxy – and yes, that includes Alpha Centauri. This stunning apartment is close by to public transportation (Bart, J-Line) and the freeways for easy on and easy off access. If there are extra-terrestials that get home sick there are a number of wonderful neighborhoods which you can visit in San Francisco where you can feel right at home.

This renovated apartment boasts such amenities as polished wood floors, remodeled kitchen, newer appliances, and some of the finest painted eggshell-white walls you can imagine (It doesn’t take much imagination to think of bold eggshell-white walls!). There are other amenities in the building such as a washer and dryer in the building as well as stairs. Do you get tired of getting in and out of your current apartment or abode climbing up ropes or trees? Not in this building you won’t! Climb the six stairs to this charming unit with ease and complete comfort without rope burns or thistles.

I’m springing for the water and the garbage, so there’s not much not to like (I know, I know…a double negative which was a language arts no-no in Mr. Metter’s class in 6th grade…but I’m breaking all the rules today baby!)

The apartment is at 3636 24th Street between Guerrero and Fair Oaks.

Please no smokers or pets. If you are one of those extra-terrestials or life forms from another planet which leave ooze, slime, or radioactive material as you ambulate around the apartment, you may be required to pay an additional security deposit.

If you’re dying for this apartment, well, you’ll just have to wait. The unit will be ready at the end of the month. Psychologists say that delayed gratification is one of the most important traits to develop.

Call me if you’d like to set up an appointment to view the best apartment in the galaxy.

Oh…ET, if you’re out there…Phone home.

Bonus question:
Here’s the jingle:

“Feeling ___ I’m feeling ___. Sharing styles,sharing smiles, feeling ___. Its a crisp refreshing feeling, crystal clear and light. America’s drinking ___ and it sure feels right.”

What was the product and during what time period did this commercial run?

In the case of two applicants being equal, the bonus question will be used as the tie-breaker (answer to include both product and decade).

FYI The pictures are of a similar unit, but no the actualt unit for rent. These pictures are so you can get a sense of the space and the type of unit. Your mileage may vary.


So….Here’s Your Daily WTF by Dutch
May 8, 2012, 4:30 pm
Filed under: Is This Funny?, Ridiculous


HP – Attention parents — Just in case your children don’t have anything to talk about in therapy, here’s something you might want to consider:

Dominic Deville, rents himself out as an “evil birthday clown” who leaves scary notes for your children, warning them that they’re being watched and that they’ll soon be attacked.  At the end of a terrifying week, your child will indeed be attacked. Deville, wearing a freaky clown mask, will smash a cake into your child’s face, Metro reported.

Deville is capitalizing on what has become a mainstay for all circus-going kids: the fear of clowns. You may think Stephen King’s “It” was scary, but Deville will keep you shaking in your big, red floppy shoes.  Throughout the week leading up to the child’s birthday, “The child feels more and more that it is being pursued,” Deville told Metro. “The clown’s one and only aim is to smash a cake into the face of his victim, when they least expect it, during the course of seven days.”

Deville harasses his targets with texts, phone calls and letters to let them know that their time is coming, according to the Herald Sun. Of course, since the creepy stunt is “all in fun,” Deville promises to back off if he’s asked to by parents.

“If at any point the kids get scared or their parents are concerned we stop right there,” he said. “But most kids absolutely love being scared senseless.”

Seriously, WTF?  What parent would ever think this is a good idea?  This is just another example of why we need forced sterilization or at least some procedure to stop people from having kids until a jury of people deem you fit.  How the hell is this fun?  Kids like being scared senseless?  Since when?  There’s a difference between getting scared senseless and getting scared shitless.  This is the latter.

Seriously though, gotta love this guy’s game.  Some parents are fucking stupid and mr. pedoclown over here is just filling a demand.

Is This The Best Planet Fitness Dance Performance of All Time? by Dutch
April 20, 2012, 12:00 pm
Filed under: Entertainment, Is This Funny?

The grace, the beauty, the moves!  I literally pooped my pants when she dropped it at the :23 mark.  Like “Oh damn!  This chick means business.”  But then she lost me when she started showing off for the camera by leaving the treadmill and jumping back on.  There’s showmanship then there’s just showing off.  Sure, most people can’t jump back on to a treadmill when the speed is set at 3.0, we get it.  Have some class.